sigh of relief

I love:
iPhones
our new lamps
my slippers
haircuts
wearing high heels
hulu.com
808s and Heartbreaks
sweaters
white t-shirts
sleeping
March '09
December 28th, 2008


I do not love:
holidays
working
people who lack patience, tact and common sense
the mouse in our kitchen even though he's so cute
being broke
50 cent

Imminent Infidelity?

I sat at work last night, bored out of my mind, and watched a couple at the bar. Two young and attractive people who were at a company function. Their coworkers had all left and they were having drinks at the bar. Immediately one could tell that they were a little more than friendly. The body language was the key...turned in towards each other, legs almost touching, smirks, smiles, eye contact; it was all there.

Standing within an earshot I could hear the woman describing how she met her husband. It quickly became apparent that the man she was sitting with was not the man she was describing to him. Noticing wedding rings on both of them, I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they were just old friends getting cozy after a few beverages, no scandal. After walking by a time or two, hand holding, leg touching...it was all there. It made me think...

Is it impossible to be monogamous? Of course it isn't. There are plenty of happy couples who have never and would never cheat on their spouses. However, sexual attraction is human nature. It is an undeniable fact of who we are. Controlling this is something that has been instilled in us since a very young age. Sex is bad, something you should only do with someone you love, yadda yadda...it's mostly BS.

I'm a firm believer that there are many people out there that one could fall deeply in love with. I can't believe that there is ONE other person out there "for" you. Think of all of the people who have been married, engaged, in long term relationships who thought their significant other was the "one" but have ended that relationship to start a new one that worked out better, or maybe didn't start a new relationship and are still "looking". I'm no love expert or guru, nor have I been in love multiple times, but even in my lackluster love life I can think of a few different people who, at their time, could have been the "one".

Having mentioned that, I'll bring it back to the point. Even if you are incredibly in love and in a happy, functioning relationship with someone, there is bound to be another person on this earth you are sexually attracted to. Not just "yeah he's kinda cute, i'd hit" - but that tension, that connection that just draws you to a person and you'd love nothing more than to have a physical relationship with them. What if you meet that person someday? Worse yet...what if you are forced to work with them on a regular basis?

Seeing the people at the bar first made me angry. I thought of the broken hearts of their respective spouses, what if they saw what I had seen? They left seperately, so one could say it was innocent flirting, but to me... if I were that guys wife... I'd be upset. I'd be jealous, sad, confused, hurt, wondering what I could have done to keep him from wanting to be close to someone else. Since I am not that mans wife and have no invested interest (other than this really long blog entry) in his relationship, I can look at it from a different perspective. I didn't feel angry at them anymore. I just felt sorry. I felt sorry that they can't act on their feelings an impulses to satisfy their very clear desire to be with one another. I felt sorry for their spouses that they had that desire in the first place.

I then started to feel scared. When/if I ever get married, who's to say I will never be in that position? Who's to say my husband will never be in that position? It's completely human. Would I expect to be excused should I ever cheat on someone? No. Would I excuse that behavior of my spouse? Probably not. It's something I shouldn't worry about currently, I'm sure... but it is something that is always in the back of my head, as I grow older, I realize how many people in relationships are not necessarily monogamous. Oh well, guess it'll go as #2397407938478 why I'm afraid of committed relationships.


This picture isn't technically funny...but I laughed out loud.

I have this friend...

Who is the best person ever.

LOLwithPBoy: there is a cool picture of bill murray with a big moustache so I didn't shave today
LOLwithPBoy: true story

Jesus Mary and Joseph, I'm Tired...

What a week/weekend/month?

Beach House, Ray Davies, Adults dancing, Falafel, Rain, Party, Wine, Andre, the best people ever... I've had a great week.

Despite my car being frozen shut, and working too much and not making money, my weekend was good.

The Deathwish Holiday party was a complete success. More pictures to surface soon. I am sore, tired, happy.

Some stand-out photos courtesy of Chrissy.

The look I shot Asean right after he called me white trash.

Q and I making bememories.



Brian Barbaresco everyone.


....More ranting and photos soon

These are a few of my favorite things...

Saw Method Man and Redman last night. Got to stand on the stage all night downstairs at the Palladium thanks to Merrick. Made it that much better... Kind of the best show ever...



John Legend Live. Go see it. Most flawless voice and performance ever. Here is a video of him performing on Oprah. 2 of my favorite things! I think wedding songs are kind of corny, but if I HAD to choose one for serious...it'd be his song "Stay With You". I tell ya... not easy seeing that performed live at a concert by yourself sitting next to some busted chicks in the far balcony. Tugs at certain strings I'd rather not have messed with.



Kimpossible told me to listen to this girl. I love it!



Remember when I long-dicked you and broke your ovaries!?




Last but not least.... always and forever one of my favorite things


That is it for now.

For Sale

This was on the sidewalk at a busy intersection where bums spare for change. It's a boogie board for the snow. For Sale Best Offer... I should have given him five bucks for it, too bad I hate talking to bums. I'm always afraid their smell will travel to my nose. I hate the smell of homeless people.

In other news, I was reminded this weekend why I love having people stay at my house. Sometimes it's the greatest thing ever complete will late night talks and afternoon breakfasts. Good times with old friends and good times with new friends. I can still sleep 3 people in my bed comfortably...hallelujah.

Listen to the latest Deathwish podcast. I sound like an idiot, per usual, but Marty is from Australia and he has a wonderful accent. Want to start your day off right? Talk to an Aussie for 45 minutes.

Goodnight.

http://www.deathwishinc.com/media

You pulled at the strings, and they were broken it seemed

You and I, we make a grand salute
stare at eachother like lost little birds across the room
and I remember the way you looked
I learned how to dance, but I'd never shown it to you

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me

I know I tried, but it's hard sometimes
the roots don't take, it takes a while
and you pull at the strings
but they're broken, it seems
the dance isn't over for me, no

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me


http://www.myspace.com/basiamyspace

Who knew I liked having fun...

Last night. Great time. Went to the LUPEC USO event to benefit the woman's wing of the Shelter for Homeless Veterans. Great cocktails, nice treats and good music. Cara and I had a blast. Definitely got a little tipsy. Thanks to Tremont 647 for saving us from sure hypothermia and for the additional drinks and snacks. Fontina stuffed tater tots...yes please! Last night I did something I never thought I'd do. I ate an oyster. Now I understand these little creatures are somewhat of a big deal, but I have absolutely NO interest in ever eating one again. Chrissy will be with me on this one...salty snots in a half shell. ew

Testing out the camera, waiting for a cab, resembling those creepy twins in The Shining

Vwalla!

The Hall

Cara says peek-a-boo

You wish your hair was this shiny.

I need higher heels.

Thunder Thighs and Chicken Legs

Oh hello Cara's Fernet

Oh hello water.

Aaaaaaand Scene

Note To Self

Fix your life.

You look like shit.

Hey 28 Degrees....

Fuck You.

I don't need no doctor to tear me apart....I just need you to mend my heart

Another Sunday night in my apartment listening to music on the internet and spending more time than I need to on the world wide web. While I fully understand I could be taking this time to socialize with friends I don't see often, I am more than content being alone in my apartment listening to music and passing the time. Tonight I went a step further and with inspiration and a little direction from my absent roommate, I baked vegan banana bread. In 20 minutes I will know whether or not I'm a failure or a genius. Let's hope for the latter, shall we?

Here is an odd thing to think about. I feel like this blog, which is essentially an account of things that go on inside my head on a daily basis, was much more inspired when I was much more miserable. Now that my life in regards to my sanity and emotions have stabilized a bit, I feel like I don't really have much to write about. Sure, with more regular entries the silly daily occurrences I find myself having would be much more interesting I suppose. Maybe I'll try that...for the sake of my trio of regular readers - two confirmed, one that might just stumble upon this here rant from time to time.

Re-focusing on the matter at hand in the previous paragraph, I wonder if some of the "great" writers of our time or times past are so great because they are miserable. Sure, Sylvia Plath is an obvious example and I do not claimed to be well versed on modern literature and the lives of those that write it - but it seems like perhaps some of my personal favorite books/authors are kind of fucked up. Bret Easton Ellis is one of my favorites - Only author whose entire catalog I've read. He is totally bonkers. One of my favorite (albeit incredibly corny) books I've read this year was "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I loved this book and found it incredibly inspirational, as I read it when I was so down in the dumps, I wasn't quite sure what was going to get me out. For the first time in my life I slightly considered taking anti-depressants. Quite glad I didn't go down that route - - but I digress. The author wrote that book during a nervous breakdown. Does it take being at rock bottom to create genius? Obviously not - look at that Candace lady and the Sex In The City books/series. One can say that is genius...or just genius marketing.

If I was teaching a college class on literature of this century I would totally assign something regarding the study of authors and their sanity or insanity during their careers, mostly because I'm too lazy to do the research myself and I'm very curious to see what is up with this.

My only inspiration lately comes from song lyrics. The amount of amazing singers, songwriters, lyricists out there is astounding. At least once a week I am moved by a line of a song. I know now that I'm okay, because these things don't make me cry like they did before, but it's nice to still feel something. Instead of self pity now, it is admiration for the folks writing the music and their great ability to put emotion into words. Not something I aspire to do, but I am thankful that others have.

I wonder if our DVD player minds being a footrest...

After a week with out internet, television or couches, I am slowly learning how to get comfortable in my newly empty home. The couches are gone. There is a coffee table and a small dining table where they once were. After a few minutes of sitting here typing, i will go ahead and retract my statement about being comfortable. This shit kind of sucks. Hopefully I can get my ass in gear and go find some furniture to fill this void...and yes, I mean that in every cliched way.


My stress level is nice and high. I'm being very productive and I'm overly motivated to save money, work harder, make more money and so on and so forth. I'll work 7 days a week..I don't care anymore. Socializing and relaxing are meaning less to me as the days go by. Unfortunately, neither job I work shows results of the intensity of ones desire to work a ton. If hardcore kids buy a bunch of records instead of none, that won't affect my salary. If more people would come and order expensive cocktails at my restaurant, that would be awesome. However, I can't force anyone to do this. Therefore I'm rendered motivated and ready to bust ass at the restaurant, but bored and underworked/underpaid. Might be time to move on to greener more lucrative pastures.

Someday I will work 60 hour work weeks and see the fruits of my labor. Someday.

I've wanted this blog to turn into less senseless babble from my brain and maybe exercise a more coherent and proper outlet for whatever writing skills I may possess. I've had an urge lately to write. Articles about music, interviews, opinion pieces...whatever. I have an issue with casual speaking within my writing. My issue is basically that it takes a little too much time to write a proper piece, and to be honest, these blog post come at my least focused and most emotionally desperate points. Sure, I don't feel like shit right now. Actually, I've been feeling happy lately. Perhaps that is why the entries have been scarce and slightly less dramatic.

At this point I've taken my rambling to a whole new level. I wish I could find a focus or a theme, other than how unfocused and incoherent I am. Perhaps that will just be the theme forever.

I've been home alone for a few days now. If anyone wants to come over and reassure me there aren't intruders in my house at all times, that would be awesome.

This post has taken me over an hour to write.

I thank and blame the following people for my awesome distractions:

Kim for Basia Bulat
My endless entertainer: bathrub.
Bon Iver/youtube

Just because you're yelling, doesn't mean it's funny

Dear people who think being loud and obnoxious is funny,

It is not funny to yell. It's actually quite annoying. Recently I started watching some episodes of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia." While there is some great writing and acting, I found myself disappointed when watching the few early episodes I found on Hulu. Why does Charlie have to scream all the time? Do people really yell like this in real life? I should hope not. It reminds me of some Jack Black shit that is so played out and annoying. Chris Farley is possibly the only comedian that has made me laugh while throwing some type of yelling fit accompanied by outrageous physical comedy. I am not trying to jump on the "good ole days of SNL" bandwagon, but it is true. It suited his character and just worked for some reason. In conclusion, I will still watch future episodes of "It's Always Sunny...," but I will be annoyed every time one of the characters FREAKS out. Inside voices people, subtle humor, step your game up.

"Stop eating people's old french fries pigeon. Have some self respect. Don't you know you can fly!"

I've got nothing...

I've been miraculously speechless lately. Perhaps not in life, but in blog...bloglyfe, if you will. A serious lack of inspiration could be to blame. Although I've been listening to some amazing music lately, I feel absolutely no need to review and write about it on this blog. You'd think someone in my position might want to share opinions on music, but since music is all that I think about and talk about all day (in a variety of ways, and a variety of bands) it seems like this should provide and outlet for me to NOT talk about music.

I finally feel a little bit like my old self. My grip is back, my brain is moderately in control - the analytical/rational side is winning over the emotional side, so I feel like I'm on top. I'm always voting for rationality over emotion - it's so much easier. I am sure something/someone will come along soon enough and send me whirling back into the all too stereotypical female insanity that I made a part of my life in the past year. Let's hope, for everyone involved, that I've got it out of my system, and we don't go back to that horrible place.

This upcoming week will prove to be a real shitshow. I'll be leaving for New York City on Sunday morning, meeting up with my bff once removed (from boston) John Liam Policastro - aka Pboy for an UCB improv show. VERY excited...fingers crossed - Tina Fey will show up and adopt me as her protege/best friend/personal assistant. I'll be residing in lovely brooklyn with twoms (pentucket regional middle school hayyyyyy) and hopefully meeting up with my lil sister from a different mister Jenny from the block (not Lo...oh no), and a whole slew of NYC folk. I got new business cards so I'll try and be productive and give them to all the right people and in turn, some of the wrong people. I'm incredibly focused on work lately and highly motivated, which generally stems from a workload that is somewhat unfathomable, but completely necessary. I'll take the boltbus on wednesday morning home to go straight to Dante, try and make some dollars, sleep, work, Dante (reprise, thursday style) and then go back to New York on Friday. Trap Them on Saturday with Akimbo and other special guests and if the stars align and things go my way, I'll see Jay Reatard on Saturday night.

If you see me, bring me emergen-c, echinacea and anything that might relieve stress and prevent a cold, because all signs point to Monday October 27th as being the day I get my first bad cold of the season. Nothing like stress, nyc and some travel to ruin your immune system.

Well at this point I'd like to take the time to refer to the beginning of this post where I state that I don't have much to say. Even I knew that was bullshit when I was writing it. Like I could be short of words...please. Anyone know how babbling on incessantly about any subject can make me some money, I'm all ears.

It's 10pm on a Friday night and I want nothing more than to fall asleep, which, is what I'll go ahead and do.

thank you and goodnight.

I'm gonna be real sad...

When william shatner dies.

good readings on the innernets

2 People that I find very interesting are interviewed here.

One, I've only met once and exchanged a few e-mails with. His name is Patrick and he sings for End Of A Year. The few e-mails I mentioned were pretty basic, publicist band stuff...but there was a hint of oddball humor to them, that I can appreciate..and am starting to understand more. I think that we will be friends..OR I'll just keep reading interviews he does and blog posts he makes and silently appreciate his humor and honesty.

The second is George, who sings for Blacklisted. If you know me, you know about Blacklisted. This band changed my life. At this moment, I can't really pinpoint how they've affected me, in detail on this blog. It will come out in my autobiography. Anyway, I feel like I could write a zillion word essay on George and how I've grown to know him over the past few years and how he never ceases to impress me, confuse me, surprise me and inspire me. That was super corny...but so is half the stuff I write in here...so there you go.

Read the interviews.

READ

Listen to my voice. Love my voice.

Listen to the Deathcasts.

#18 is up now. New Trap Them song and an interview with one of the nicest humans ever -- Rob Moran.

Click Here For A Good Time

I'm tugging on the sleeve, of how it used to be.

Nostalgia is a bitch. Well, I suppose it wouldn't be if things were slightly different. Do you only have fond memories of the past when you aren't creating fond memories of the present? Lately I've been thinking back to when I was absolutely and totally happy. I would love to live again and have greg, hook and brian hanging out in my room - laughing hysterically at ourselves. I don't know what it was, but that was the best time ever. Years have passed and even if we were all in the same room again, it wouldn't be the same.

I wish that for this christmas me, adam, greg, walter, twoms, karl, kerry, mark and sean would be at stephanies house in her sunroom eating cookies, drinking tea, and wrestling, with an occasional glance at a porno mag. That would be really great. Like the aforementioned hypothetical hanging out arrangement, this one would end in the same way. If that happened, this christmas, it'd be great, but it wouldn't be the same.

I suppose that is fine. It's part of life, but I'm slowly finding that there has been no supplement to that. It's completely my fault. I told a friend this week, when discussing having two jobs and working 6/7 days a week, to be ready for when your friends stop calling you cause you're always working. At first you're sad, but after a while you realize they are right, you simply aren't around. I've gone from having a solid group of friends who were together pretty much at all times, to luckily having a roomate who I love and get a long great with. I have a lot of friends, in a lot of different circles, but I suppose it's in a more "adult" fashion of having friends. You work, do your own thing, and have the occasional dinner date planned with a friend, or a few friends, and that is it. You talk about how much you miss one another and how you have to hang out more, but alas, life gets in the way, and unless you have someone totally incorporated into your life schedule, it's just not going to work.

I don't know what the point of this entry is. I can't get back to the past, nothing really is going to change, and this is all part of growing up. I'm also not going to have any more time. I'm about to talk to my friend about picking up shifts at her restaurant in addition to the other jobs I have. I need to save $2500 by July... you can paypal donations to nicolewhv@gmail.com.

Oh, and vote Obama. I don't hate McCain, but I am scared of Sarah Palin - so yeah, if that bitch gets in office I am moving to Australia or London. So basically, if you like me and want me to stay here to hang out with you -- vote obama. It would basically translate into a vote for ME.


I just saw this picture on my computer, I love it. It stars vince...

LOL on AIM

mynameisscum: ahem
11:50 AM
Nicole Hollis-Vitale: hello
mynameisscum: stupid question
mynameisscum: you on AOL?
mynameisscum: or AIM?
mynameisscum: and
mynameisscum: did you useta hang in chat?
Nicole Hollis-Vitale: no
Nicole Hollis-Vitale: i am on aim, but uhh i don't go to chat rooms
mynameisscum: did you used to?
Nicole Hollis-Vitale: no
mynameisscum: ok my bad
mynameisscum: mistaken identity
Nicole Hollis-Vitale: have a nice day
mynameisscum: i know the chick who had the AOL name of this, latez

Playa Playa

It's almost 2am. Just got home from work. Had a nice lil jaunt through Dorchester/Roxbury, with D'Angelo as my soundtrack. This trip home from work made me remember 2 things.

1. I have an AMAZING sense of direction. Just when I think I've finally gotten lost, BAM! - Dudley Sq, homeward bound. Sometimes I amaze myself....

2.





Uhhhhhh yeah.


And on that note...goodnight

Busy day on the blog...

Im stealing this from Kelsey.
Thought it'd be a good place to post a survey.

Coming someday... A song by song relation to my life starring Destiny's Childs #1 Hits



_________________________________

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Danielle, Michelle, Kim, Kelsey

Where was the first time you ever kissed the last person you kissed?
A hotel room

Have you ever made out in a public bathroom?
Nope

Do you tell your mom everything?
If by everything you mean nothing, yes

Beer, whiskey, or wine?
Wine

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yes.

Have you ever been in love?
Yup.

Have you ever had the cops called on you?
No way. Im terrified of getting in trouble.

When was your last shower?
Last night.

When did you last see your mom or dad?
Uhhh, a few weeks ago.

When was the last time you danced?
Last night.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
Maybe I'd try a little harder in college, uhh work out a little more...but basically, I'm pretty ok with how life has been going.

Has anyone ever crawled through your window?
I got bars on them shits, don't even try it

Who did you last ride in a car with?
James from the UK

What is something you're currently frustrated about?
ay ay ay....

How did you and your number 1 become friends?
Considering this is a myspace survey...my #1 is Blacklisted and I became friends with them when they stayed at my house to record. Life changing event really.

Who was the last person you yelled at?
Andy or Brian

Do you give out second chances too easily?
I always knew my spine was crooked, but lately I've realized it isn't even there.

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Kelsey. RUFFNECK

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
everyone? danielle?

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
outloud? no. in my head? yes.

Have you ever taken a nap with a member of the opposite sex?
uhhh yeah

Did you speak to your mother today?
yes

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
I think probably

What did you do today?
Work, burrito, internet

Do you have plans for tomorrow?
work then work.

Would you tell a stranger if they had spinach in their teeth?
depends on how much i like the person

If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
Maybe

If you had to eliminate a single type of animal forever, which would you choose?
uhhh frogz

Have you ever lied about your age?
Nah

Ever had an encounter with the police?
yes of course

If you could give your parents one gift, what would it be?
mom - a house. dad - house on the beach in costa rica and good surf forever

Ever stolen something out of someone's yard?
if by yard you mean bathroom...yes

Have you ever written anything on a bathroom wall or door?
Nope. no graffiti 4 me

When playing truth or dare, which do you choose?
usually truth. imma wuss

Ever open a bag of chips in the grocery store and eat them before paying?
Chips no. Marshmellows, yes

Who was the first female and male you talked to today??
james and janelle

What are you looking forward to?
Life, love, summer

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Ehhh, jury is out

What's the weirdest thing you've heated in a microwave?
I don't know...a damp towel?

Have you ever seen a zebra?
No...but I got new zebra print pillowcases

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
No, not really.

What are you listening to at the moment?
Jerry Spring babbling on Americas Got Talent. Some fatso is about to sing

Suppose you see your girlfriend/boyfriend kissing another person what would you do?
I'd probably smile, flip them the bird, then call on of the aforementioned girls and start crying

Do you plan on moving within the next year?
Would love to

Where is your father right now?
Sleeping before work

Are you a morning person or a night?
Depends

Are you a forgiving person?
Yessssss uggghhhhh

Do you wish somebody would call you? And why?
I wish someone would call me and say "I have 10 million dollars for you" OR "come live with me on an island"

What's annoying you right now?
Thinking about going to job #2 tomorrow

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Yes and No. I'd say no...These emotion things I've developed in the last 2 years are CRAZY.

Do you fall for people easily?
No

Taken or single?
Single

Are you missing someone right now?
Stomache ache

If someone likes you would you want them to tell you?
Yes...chances are I like you back.

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Sure

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages?
Well, since my phone deleted my saved ones for me and since then there hasn't been anything work saving...then no

Would you rather go to a baseball game or a football game?
baseball with chucky

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
Almost everyday

Your ex REALLY needs you at 3 am and you have a way to his/her house - would you go?
Yeah probably...Imma good friend at all hours of the day

Who did you hangout with last night?
James and Danielle

What are your plans for the week?
Work x 1 million

How many hours did you sleep?
7 or 8

Could you go a day without eating?
I could I guess

When was the last time you talked to your number 2?
my #2 on myspace is Deathwish. I talk with deathwish every day

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
I know a few people who do weed, yes

Is there someone you want to fight?
hahahaha ew no

Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
yes

Do you believe in true love?
whatever

Do you miss your past?
I'm tugging on the sleeve of how it used to be

What are you doing tonight?
This and sleeping

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Doubt it

Do you think your ex still likes you?
n/a

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
if you love something, set it free

Do you know anyone in the military currently?
I think maybe

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
h20

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Absolutely. I think it's a shame if they're not

When was the last time you held hands with someone?
Ha...couple weeks ago

What is wrong with you right now?
Um NOTHING OBVIOUSLY IM PERFECT

Whose house did you go to today?
mine

Who was last to cook for you?
clean/danielle...my caretakers, i'd die without them

Do you know what you're wearing tomorrow?
Probably something similar to what i wore today

Who did you last fall asleep with?
None of your beezwax

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
I don't know

I got a stone where my heart should be...

Said the moon was ours, yeah
Said the moon was ours, the hell with the day
The sunlight is always gonna take love away
Brings up suspicions and alibies
But I can see blue, tear-blinded eyes
Lies, lies, lies, ohh lies

I got a stone where my heart should be
I got a stone where my heart should be
And nothing I do will make you love me
I'd leave this time, break all my ties
Be no more use for any disguise
Lies, lies, lies, ohh lies

I wanna die without pain
I wanna die, oh, without pain
All this desception I just can't maintain
The sun, moon, the stars in the sky
It'd hurt me too bad if you said goodbye
Lies, lies, lies, ohh lies

No thanks for the stomache ache...

It is Monday night.
I wish I had a way to update this blog from my phone...but I'd probably get into a million accidents - and really, nobody wants that, with the exception of a few people.

I went to Wilkes-Barre on Saturday to celebrate my dear friend Hannah's baby shower. It was tons of fun. I'd never been to a shower...the games, the gifts, the snacks..mrs decker and mrs mook! I couldn't have asked for a better saturday.

On Sunday morning the sun was shining, and I left WB. Big thanks to dan and hannah for being wonderful people. I can't wait for Ruby.

It was nice to get out for a bit and take a drive by myself. The playlist included but was not limited to:

The Black Keys
Jacobs Stories
J. Tillman
Gwen Stefani
John Legend
Okkervil River
City and Colour
** Dear all dudes in touring bands with girlfriends that you love... You lose cause you didn't write the song "the girl" - listen to it.


I'm back home now.

Someone told me I was trouble over the weekend.
I naturally said... "what? me? trouble...no way!"
But, I think I might be trouble...
and I'm sorry...
kind of

but you started it.

I don't feel like helping you anymore

But I have to, so I will, but let it be known, I will complain about it to myself and probably danielle and be as bratty about it as possible.


Note: this post is not about one person. It is unfortunately about many. blerg.

Chucky Edge

I just want to dedicate a post to my good friend Charles Henry.

He's been on tour for a while now, but I got to see him the other day at a show and hang for a little bit. I may not get to see him all the time, or talk to him everyday - but that doesn't matter. He recently wrote in his blog (see links) about celebrating life - and whether he knows it or not, he is doing a wonderful job, and he's a friend I can turn to, no matter what, and instantly be happy with. No dwelling on the negative, only the positive - and how can you not be happy with someone who laughed WAY more at the movie Semi-Pro than anyone should have.

So - Chucky, thanks - you rule. I feel bad for people who aren't your friend

this is hahdcoah

First - I'd like to just put it out there that I really would like a digital camera. It'd be great to post some pics here on this blog, and/or just have them...ya know, for memories.

This is Hardcore Fest in Philly was this past weekend. Without going into a ton of detail - shit was a good time. Always nice to see friends and all of that. Here are highlights and lo-lights

highlights:
Traveling with Rich - great travel buddy
The Sheraton in Ctr City and King Size Beds
Madball - starring Freddy
Richmond
Blacklisted - favorite band
Joe Hardcore wearing glasses
The Bloody Mary I had to start my day on Saturday
California invasion
Oscar the dog

Lolights:
5am trains out of Philly
Eating too much candy
Not eating enough Govindas
Car being towed on my arrival home
Saying bye to people I wish I saw everyday (lets get rid of the midwest, CT, Delaware...I want to be no more than 10hrs away from philly, richmond, and all parts of CA)


I think that is it. I wish I had some photos...but please, see opening line of this entry.

Dear Watermelon...

I want to eat you every day. Such a refreshing treat late in the afternoon, please know, I'll always love you.

Yours,
Nicole

Rewind the Behind...

Okay. This update is long overdue. I'm sure it doesn't really matter, as KP is the only one that is waiting for it, haha...but here goes nothing.

CALIFORNIA

Los Angeles:
Love your weather.
Don't really like the city.
I'm sure this is a generic complaint, but everything is too spread out. I'm small, I like small things - crowded cities, all that.

BIG thanks to Liz for giving me the best hair cut ever. No thanks to Liz for the haircut because it makes me want to fly to LA every 6 months to have her cut it.

Getting cute earrings on Melrose was a highlight, and seeing my friend Lynn from college. Shouts to her for the air mattress.

Sound and Fury:
Please read the 2 blog entries that Blacklisted wrote right after the weekend. Pretty much sums it up. Good fest, good bands, good friends. Long days, some not so great bands, and well... I wish I could just put all my real friends in a bubble, and toss everyone else aside. Such is life... oh aquaintances, how I don't need any more of you.

Santa Barbara weather is great. Michelle, the other side of my brain, gets props for well, being the other side of my brain.

San Francisco:
Thanks to Shipwreck for giving me a ride to Sacramento. I felt an earthquake at Starbucks on the way up. It was cool. Wouldn't want to feel the big guy though, shit was kind of nuts. Hi Sacramento. Love Killing the Dream. Good gig. Seeing Blacklisted, Rise and Fall, Shipwreck, KTD and A&O was a great time...would do that again.

My time in the bay area was awesome. I stayed at my dear friend Kims house - big thank you to her and her roomates for letting me stay. I mostly just chilled in the city during the day, sat in parks, shopped, read my book, watched all the crazies. Then at night it was hanging out. SAw some Kevin Nealon stand up -- that was funny - basically hanging out with Mr. Anthony Hook can make me happy and feel at home anywhere.

Other lovely faces I saw - war hungry, jason t, lil debbie, sam, Toast, Jorie, Naoma, and of course, Rise and Fall and Alpha and Omega.

Going to the Santa Cruz boardwalk was awesome for my last day. See some photo strips below. I'll post some other random pics as I see them.

Right now, its Friday and I got let out early from the restaurant. I've worked there most days I've been home...Im looking forward to philly next weekend. Bye.

This Time Tomorrow...

This time tomorrow where will we be
On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty sea
This time tomorrow what will we know
Well we still be here watching an in-flight movie show
Ill leave the sun behind me and watch the clouds as they sadly pass me by
Seven miles below ma I can see the world and it aint so big at all
This time tomorrow what will we see
Field full of houses, endless rows of crowded streets
I dont where Im going, I dont want to see
I feel the world below me looking up at me
Leave the sun behind me, and watch the clouds as they sadly pass me by
And Im in perpetual motion and the world below doesnt matter much to me
This time tomorrow where will we be
On a spaceship somewhere sailing across any empty sea
This time tomorrow, this time tomorrow

Another great weekend...

I think the key to happiness is going to the beach.

Friday we went to a magical land where we jumped off small bridge into a lazy river of sorts that led to the ocean. we floated down on rafts until we hit the shore. Best thing ever? yes actually.

I actually wish I could go to the beach every day. The growing desire to up and move to a beach town somewhere to live out my days is not easy to ignore. If I disappear ever...look to the coasts.

Only a few days til California...thank goodness

ay ay ay (pronounced eye eye eye)

What a week it has been.

I've been so disappointed by a number of people this week, I feel like maybe I've set a new record. I don't know how I got duped into befriending such dramatic, immature assholes - but hey, I guess we all make mistakes. Thank you hardcore...

Twice in the past week have I been confronted by weird men at red lights. The first told me that he could do some body work on my car for cheap, then told me I was pretty, so it'd be REAL cheap. I guess I'll take the compliment.

Here is the dialogue of th 2nd incident:
Man in Minivan: Hey, wanna race?
Me: No
Man in Minivan: Really, no?
Me: No, actually not at all
Man in Minivan: How do you get to 90?
Me: Go straight, you'll see it.
Man in Minivan: So you like tattoos?
Me: Yup
Man in Minivan: I just got one on my chest
Me: Hm, that's cool. did it hurt?
Man in Minivan: It was okay. Really hurt when it went across my nipple.
Me: Oh yeah I bet

And then, thank god, the series of red lights ended. See title of this post.

I can't wait to get to California.

I STILL love this song:




I also love this picture:

What a Weekend...

FRIDAY
I don't know why, but there is something about being at Club Lido in Revere that just makes a lady want to drink...

Shout Outs to my designated driver/roomie danielle, and to kayla..sup squirrel.

If you know me, you probably know exactly what was going on in my head while at that show, and lets be honest - you'd probably want to knock back a few vodka sodas as well.

SATURDAY
-Hangover
-Beach
- Sunburn/Tan
-Home
-Bar
-Laughs
-Pictures...coming soon

SUNDAY
-Visit Isis' mom....
figured just to round out a relatively happy weekend where I had some fun, I'd end it in the true "hey life is alright? oh no wait...its sad and so are you" fashion.

At least I have a nice tan

I Didn't Know How To Tell You, So I Wrote It On A Wall

I think images and caption speak for itself. If there was one that said "I Miss You," that'd be up there too.

Photos/caption are by Melissa Farley
http://www.melissafarley.com

Today I...

(in no particular order)

- took a walk
- visited castle island, saw jellyfish
- loved the ocean
- got so anxious my hands wouldn't stop shaking
- bought a pack of cigarettes (stopped aforementioned shaking)
- watched a movie
- wanted to leave
- didn't leave
- thought i'd be happier
- wanted to shut off my phone (didn't happen)

plans for tomorrow:

-get an early start to fully enjoy one anothers company in this beautiful place
-stop feeling sorry for ourselves, it's not very attractive
-make plans for our future

Dear Apples with Peanut Butter

I love you and I think you are the best thing ever.
Peanut Butter unknowingly on my face is a risk I am willing to take, to indulge in you...my favorite snack ever.

See you tomorrow,
Nicole

Dear Eyebrow Rings...

Why are you still here?

I hope there is someone...

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired

There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head

Oh I'm scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don't want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

There's a man on the horizon
Wish that I'd go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow rest my head

So here's hoping I will not drown
Or paralyze in light
And godsend I don't want to go
To the seal's watershed

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, Will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired