Monday, April 19, 2010


I want you to be the one who walks me home
I hope you can get close enough

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A New Year, A New Life

I haven't written anything here since July. It's February now and I can't really remember anything of note that has happened in the past seven months that were worthy to write about.

I started this blog because I enjoy reading other people's. Soon after some initial posts, I realized blogging wasn't for me. I communicate with too many people on a daily basis to have anything left in me to write about that could suffice as somewhat interesting. I do the same shit everyday. I don't care about one thing enough to devote a blog to, I don't travel often, I don't go on tour and I mostly don't have time. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Blogs - there isn't much that I'm doing that hasn't gone noted by some type of social networking phenomenon. I can't keep up although I wish I could. I want to have a daily picture of me in an interesting place, I want a crazy story to write about and I want to share that with open eyes and ears, but instead I would exude every ounce of pent up frustration onto this blog, which can be viewed by the public, and unabashedly spill my over analytical guts all over the internet. To those who have witnessed this, I'm sorry. I think I've got some crazy in me.

2010 is already insane. Soon after my previous post (you know, the one about Boston sucking) I decided to move. Richmond, VA was my city of choice thanks to it's adorable houses, easy to learn grid system, delightful restaurants and home to some of my favorite people. It's always felt right for me here. One month in and I have a job I never thought I'd have. Salary, benefits, working for a great company. My back isn't as tense as it used to be, I'm not as angry and high strung and while I did love a lot about my life in Boston, I know now I have made the best decision. That is a feeling I am proud to know and I hope everyone gets to feel at some point in their life. I did good.

With that said, I will stop writing. Perhaps I can now use this forum, not to vent about cities that suck and relationships going sour and sending messages to people I thought I once loved, but for something more mentally stimulating and less emotionally debilitating.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Hey Boston, You Suck

For being one of the "great" and "major" cities of the world, Boston is day by day becoming more and more awful. I barely live in this city, working 2 jobs almost an hour north, but I love my neighborhood and love my apartment and unless someone bought me a house next to the ocean, I wouldn't live anywhere else in MA. With that said, I want to discuss a few reasons why the city I live in is an absolute joke.

First, there are 3 places I know of where you can get food late at night. The tiny little South St. Diner - on a Friday or Saturday this place is a crowded awful mess. Next to it is News, serving food til 5am. Filled with Eurotrash, visiting celebs and other undesirables, I would rather go to a late night meal amongst hookers and crackheads at the diner than drunk pseudo socialites at News. The ihop near the highway in Brighton is also a good time. The food is obviously horrible, the clientele almost work (drunk college kids) and it's far from anywhere I personally need to be. There is some all night club Rise, which I'm sure i'll visit in my lifetime, but I think you might have to fail a drug test to get in the front door.

Second, Happy Hour. Happy Hour is illegal in the state of MA. No discounts on alcaholic beverages. You can discount food for "happy hour" but any fan of a 2 for 1 deal or half price cocktails KNOWS the discount on fucking wings and french fries is a lot less fun. Boston is a fairly expensive city, so a half price drink would be nice every now and then. I'd love to pay $3 or $4 for a vodka soda. While I understand WHY they would like to dwindle the number of late afternoon drunkards roaming the streets, I can only think of the black hole that is the deficit of this great state. If happy hour makes money, the state makes money. Why does MA hate money?

Third, this is unconfirmed but I heard that there will no longer be any 18+ club or dance nights at bars. This is to combat underage drinking and fun. While I don't really care or involve myself in the "dance" or "club" scenes in Boston, the population of this city is 50% college students. Students who maybe want to go have fun, dance...sounds crazy I know. When I heard about this, I couldn't believe it. So college freshmen and sophomores, If you want to go to a show at the House of Blues, you will apparently be regulated to the first floor - while all the drinkers are on the 2nd and 3rd, cause that is right, there is no alcohol allowed on the first floor apparently. That was a slight digression, but my point remains the same - Boston hates fun.

The T. This was one of my major qualms about this city from day one. The train stops running at 1230/1am every night. Bars close at either 1am or 2am, leaving the cities drunks to stumble home, take a cab, OR drive. If I wanted to go out downtown and have drinks until after 1am, to get home, I'd have to take a $20 cab ride (no way), walk home (wicked no way) OR drive. While I am a fairly responsible person, I have driven and will drive again with my alcohol level over the legal limit. I know my limits and ask anyone, get really drunk probably 5 times a year - but I only imagine all of the people less responsible, more drunk, hopping in their cars and driving away. It's scary and I've seen it with my very own eyes. Nevermind the drunk people, what about the people that have to go to work at 3 or 4am, or come home from work that late. The bartenders, and graveyard shift workers of the world are left without any public transportation.

The radio. Radio in this city BLOWS, with the exception of the NPR station WBUR and the scattered college stations, WERS is obviously the best radio station ever. BUT in regards to commercial radio, sure, it sucks everywhere, but at least there is some diverse programming. Want to hear hip hop - you can tune into ONE frequency (and WERS week nights ). The ONE hip hop station now plays lady gaga and britney spears and is way behind what is going on in the rest of the world. Even a small city like Richmond, VA has more than one "urban" station who is way more ahead of the game than anyone in boston. CBS just cut WBCN, the longest running alternative station. there is WAAF, nu metal central and WFNX - weird indie /alt rock that doesn't have an incredibly strong signal. There are a few classic rock stations within range, a gaggle of soft rock and Kiss 108 the leader in Top 40 (mostly awful). For a city this size that can boast and brag about local music and a great "scene" and all that garbage, it is NOT represented on the radio. The exception being WERS which is really the only outlet for local and independent music.

There is no The Onion distribution in Boston - LAME

There are 3 vegetarian restaurants. One sells overpriced sub shop food that isn't very good and 2 are asian cuisine that gets old after a while.

There are no great and consistent venues for hardcore shows.

No 24hr Gym

Sub par fashion/shopping scene

Okay, rant over. Sure, there are a lot of great things about boston but this wasn't a "why boston rules" entry - it's a why boston sucks entry. I'm looking forward to leaving.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The golden rule

I didn't think I was ever going to write another long entry in this blog.
I've been feeling happy, less stressed - no pent up emotions to shamelessly put on the internet for all the world to see. I should have figured it wouldn't last for long.

For the record, I hate the live journal nature of this blog. I whole heartedly think it's lame but writing actually really helps me relieve my anxiety. Knowing that a few people do read this when i udpate it keeps me going - only because I can relay my feelings better in writing than verbally and also because a few out there can relate.

Work (both deathwish and waitressing) have kept me incredibly busy these last few weeks. I would like to sleep for two days straight but the anxiety of busy days and nights are not making for a restful night. Stressful dreams have plagued me for the past few nights and I think writing a bit might help relieve some of that- so here I go.

Dear Friends,
I know that as humans we have a lot of needs. Attention from the opposite sex is in the forefront of those. In the past few weeks I have learned that dear friends of mine in serious relationships are frequently not faithful to their significant others. If you think this entry is solely about you, you are wrong - as plenty of my friends have gone through this - as cheaters and victims of infidelity. Over the past week I have had a pit of disgust in my stomach. I am so repulsed by the way people are treating their so-called loved ones. Perhaps I am lonely and have too much time to think about other peoples relationships and lives, that it has led me to this - but I was surprised and shocked at some of the information I have been told. I will make it entirely clear that I, myself, am guilty of aiding to someone cheating on someone else. I pretty much feel like shit about it - but it always felt like the right thing to do. And by right, I mean what i wanted to do. Impuslive, selfish... do I regret it? No.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, in another long winded entry about infidelity, I just am not cut from that cloth. If I am in a relationship with someone, they are the be all end all. If i want to get with someone else, the relationship is over - that is my sign they aren't the one for me. I've thought this was the obvious way of operating for most humans, but I'm starting to feel like I am in the minority. I do not want to gloat and boast that I am some of amazing human being, because I'm not - but I sure as shit know I am not an asshole. Being kind, patient and committed to my friends is the most important thing to me. I don't think I could ever intentionally do something that would blatantly hurt another person. I'm not sure where the golden rule got lost. I really always thought you should treat others how you'd like to be treated. I can safely say, I've never wanted to be lied to - - so I figure, don't lie to anyone else.

I could go on forever on this subject, but to the people who might stumble upon or read this blog - please think about the people in your lives that love you and trust you and are committed to you and your happiness. Put yourself in their shoes. If you love them, why would you want to do something that would upset them? If you feel nothing when you envision them broken and in tears, then please let them go. Stop being selfish. To my knowledge, I've never been cheated on - although about 80% of me thinks I have. Paranoid maybe, but if I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that even the people that you think love you the most, will always put their selfish desires ahead of you and your well being. I don't want to believe that or harbor resentment and carry baggage with me into future relationships - I think i have that in check. I just beg the people I know to be less careless with other people's emotions.

I'm also sorry to those people I've hurt through my own actions. I honestly hope it will never happen again.

I guess this is goodnight. Please wish me sweet dreams, I need all the help I can get.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man
And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I cant see you no more
cause I dont want to be a bad woman
I cant stand to see you to be a bad man

I will miss your heart so tender
I will love this love forever
This is why I am leavin
And this is why I cant see ya no more
And this is why I am lying
When I say I dont love ya no more

I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man
And this is why I am leavin
And this is why I cant see ya no more
And this is why I am lying
When I say that I dont love you no more

Wednesday, February 11, 2009