I sat at work last night, bored out of my mind, and watched a couple at the bar. Two young and attractive people who were at a company function. Their coworkers had all left and they were having drinks at the bar. Immediately one could tell that they were a little more than friendly. The body language was the key...turned in towards each other, legs almost touching, smirks, smiles, eye contact; it was all there.
Standing within an earshot I could hear the woman describing how she met her husband. It quickly became apparent that the man she was sitting with was not the man she was describing to him. Noticing wedding rings on both of them, I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they were just old friends getting cozy after a few beverages, no scandal. After walking by a time or two, hand holding, leg touching...it was all there. It made me think...
Is it impossible to be monogamous? Of course it isn't. There are plenty of happy couples who have never and would never cheat on their spouses. However, sexual attraction is human nature. It is an undeniable fact of who we are. Controlling this is something that has been instilled in us since a very young age. Sex is bad, something you should only do with someone you love, yadda yadda...it's mostly BS.
I'm a firm believer that there are many people out there that one could fall deeply in love with. I can't believe that there is ONE other person out there "for" you. Think of all of the people who have been married, engaged, in long term relationships who thought their significant other was the "one" but have ended that relationship to start a new one that worked out better, or maybe didn't start a new relationship and are still "looking". I'm no love expert or guru, nor have I been in love multiple times, but even in my lackluster love life I can think of a few different people who, at their time, could have been the "one".
Having mentioned that, I'll bring it back to the point. Even if you are incredibly in love and in a happy, functioning relationship with someone, there is bound to be another person on this earth you are sexually attracted to. Not just "yeah he's kinda cute, i'd hit" - but that tension, that connection that just draws you to a person and you'd love nothing more than to have a physical relationship with them. What if you meet that person someday? Worse yet...what if you are forced to work with them on a regular basis?
Seeing the people at the bar first made me angry. I thought of the broken hearts of their respective spouses, what if they saw what I had seen? They left seperately, so one could say it was innocent flirting, but to me... if I were that guys wife... I'd be upset. I'd be jealous, sad, confused, hurt, wondering what I could have done to keep him from wanting to be close to someone else. Since I am not that mans wife and have no invested interest (other than this really long blog entry) in his relationship, I can look at it from a different perspective. I didn't feel angry at them anymore. I just felt sorry. I felt sorry that they can't act on their feelings an impulses to satisfy their very clear desire to be with one another. I felt sorry for their spouses that they had that desire in the first place.
I then started to feel scared. When/if I ever get married, who's to say I will never be in that position? Who's to say my husband will never be in that position? It's completely human. Would I expect to be excused should I ever cheat on someone? No. Would I excuse that behavior of my spouse? Probably not. It's something I shouldn't worry about currently, I'm sure... but it is something that is always in the back of my head, as I grow older, I realize how many people in relationships are not necessarily monogamous. Oh well, guess it'll go as #2397407938478 why I'm afraid of committed relationships.
This picture isn't technically funny...but I laughed out loud.
