hm

I want you to be the one who walks me home
I hope you can get close enough

A New Year, A New Life

I haven't written anything here since July. It's February now and I can't really remember anything of note that has happened in the past seven months that were worthy to write about.

I started this blog because I enjoy reading other people's. Soon after some initial posts, I realized blogging wasn't for me. I communicate with too many people on a daily basis to have anything left in me to write about that could suffice as somewhat interesting. I do the same shit everyday. I don't care about one thing enough to devote a blog to, I don't travel often, I don't go on tour and I mostly don't have time. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Blogs - there isn't much that I'm doing that hasn't gone noted by some type of social networking phenomenon. I can't keep up although I wish I could. I want to have a daily picture of me in an interesting place, I want a crazy story to write about and I want to share that with open eyes and ears, but instead I would exude every ounce of pent up frustration onto this blog, which can be viewed by the public, and unabashedly spill my over analytical guts all over the internet. To those who have witnessed this, I'm sorry. I think I've got some crazy in me.

2010 is already insane. Soon after my previous post (you know, the one about Boston sucking) I decided to move. Richmond, VA was my city of choice thanks to it's adorable houses, easy to learn grid system, delightful restaurants and home to some of my favorite people. It's always felt right for me here. One month in and I have a job I never thought I'd have. Salary, benefits, working for a great company. My back isn't as tense as it used to be, I'm not as angry and high strung and while I did love a lot about my life in Boston, I know now I have made the best decision. That is a feeling I am proud to know and I hope everyone gets to feel at some point in their life. I did good.

With that said, I will stop writing. Perhaps I can now use this forum, not to vent about cities that suck and relationships going sour and sending messages to people I thought I once loved, but for something more mentally stimulating and less emotionally debilitating.

Goodnight.

Hey Boston, You Suck

For being one of the "great" and "major" cities of the world, Boston is day by day becoming more and more awful. I barely live in this city, working 2 jobs almost an hour north, but I love my neighborhood and love my apartment and unless someone bought me a house next to the ocean, I wouldn't live anywhere else in MA. With that said, I want to discuss a few reasons why the city I live in is an absolute joke.

First, there are 3 places I know of where you can get food late at night. The tiny little South St. Diner - on a Friday or Saturday this place is a crowded awful mess. Next to it is News, serving food til 5am. Filled with Eurotrash, visiting celebs and other undesirables, I would rather go to a late night meal amongst hookers and crackheads at the diner than drunk pseudo socialites at News. The ihop near the highway in Brighton is also a good time. The food is obviously horrible, the clientele almost work (drunk college kids) and it's far from anywhere I personally need to be. There is some all night club Rise, which I'm sure i'll visit in my lifetime, but I think you might have to fail a drug test to get in the front door.

Second, Happy Hour. Happy Hour is illegal in the state of MA. No discounts on alcaholic beverages. You can discount food for "happy hour" but any fan of a 2 for 1 deal or half price cocktails KNOWS the discount on fucking wings and french fries is a lot less fun. Boston is a fairly expensive city, so a half price drink would be nice every now and then. I'd love to pay $3 or $4 for a vodka soda. While I understand WHY they would like to dwindle the number of late afternoon drunkards roaming the streets, I can only think of the black hole that is the deficit of this great state. If happy hour makes money, the state makes money. Why does MA hate money?

Third, this is unconfirmed but I heard that there will no longer be any 18+ club or dance nights at bars. This is to combat underage drinking and fun. While I don't really care or involve myself in the "dance" or "club" scenes in Boston, the population of this city is 50% college students. Students who maybe want to go have fun, dance...sounds crazy I know. When I heard about this, I couldn't believe it. So college freshmen and sophomores, If you want to go to a show at the House of Blues, you will apparently be regulated to the first floor - while all the drinkers are on the 2nd and 3rd, cause that is right, there is no alcohol allowed on the first floor apparently. That was a slight digression, but my point remains the same - Boston hates fun.

The T. This was one of my major qualms about this city from day one. The train stops running at 1230/1am every night. Bars close at either 1am or 2am, leaving the cities drunks to stumble home, take a cab, OR drive. If I wanted to go out downtown and have drinks until after 1am, to get home, I'd have to take a $20 cab ride (no way), walk home (wicked no way) OR drive. While I am a fairly responsible person, I have driven and will drive again with my alcohol level over the legal limit. I know my limits and ask anyone, get really drunk probably 5 times a year - but I only imagine all of the people less responsible, more drunk, hopping in their cars and driving away. It's scary and I've seen it with my very own eyes. Nevermind the drunk people, what about the people that have to go to work at 3 or 4am, or come home from work that late. The bartenders, and graveyard shift workers of the world are left without any public transportation.

The radio. Radio in this city BLOWS, with the exception of the NPR station WBUR and the scattered college stations, WERS is obviously the best radio station ever. BUT in regards to commercial radio, sure, it sucks everywhere, but at least there is some diverse programming. Want to hear hip hop - you can tune into ONE frequency (and WERS week nights ). The ONE hip hop station now plays lady gaga and britney spears and is way behind what is going on in the rest of the world. Even a small city like Richmond, VA has more than one "urban" station who is way more ahead of the game than anyone in boston. CBS just cut WBCN, the longest running alternative station. there is WAAF, nu metal central and WFNX - weird indie /alt rock that doesn't have an incredibly strong signal. There are a few classic rock stations within range, a gaggle of soft rock and Kiss 108 the leader in Top 40 (mostly awful). For a city this size that can boast and brag about local music and a great "scene" and all that garbage, it is NOT represented on the radio. The exception being WERS which is really the only outlet for local and independent music.

There is no The Onion distribution in Boston - LAME

There are 3 vegetarian restaurants. One sells overpriced sub shop food that isn't very good and 2 are asian cuisine that gets old after a while.

There are no great and consistent venues for hardcore shows.

No 24hr Gym

Sub par fashion/shopping scene

Okay, rant over. Sure, there are a lot of great things about boston but this wasn't a "why boston rules" entry - it's a why boston sucks entry. I'm looking forward to leaving.

The golden rule

I didn't think I was ever going to write another long entry in this blog.
I've been feeling happy, less stressed - no pent up emotions to shamelessly put on the internet for all the world to see. I should have figured it wouldn't last for long.

For the record, I hate the live journal nature of this blog. I whole heartedly think it's lame but writing actually really helps me relieve my anxiety. Knowing that a few people do read this when i udpate it keeps me going - only because I can relay my feelings better in writing than verbally and also because a few out there can relate.

Work (both deathwish and waitressing) have kept me incredibly busy these last few weeks. I would like to sleep for two days straight but the anxiety of busy days and nights are not making for a restful night. Stressful dreams have plagued me for the past few nights and I think writing a bit might help relieve some of that- so here I go.

Dear Friends,
I know that as humans we have a lot of needs. Attention from the opposite sex is in the forefront of those. In the past few weeks I have learned that dear friends of mine in serious relationships are frequently not faithful to their significant others. If you think this entry is solely about you, you are wrong - as plenty of my friends have gone through this - as cheaters and victims of infidelity. Over the past week I have had a pit of disgust in my stomach. I am so repulsed by the way people are treating their so-called loved ones. Perhaps I am lonely and have too much time to think about other peoples relationships and lives, that it has led me to this - but I was surprised and shocked at some of the information I have been told. I will make it entirely clear that I, myself, am guilty of aiding to someone cheating on someone else. I pretty much feel like shit about it - but it always felt like the right thing to do. And by right, I mean what i wanted to do. Impuslive, selfish... do I regret it? No.

As I've mentioned before in this blog, in another long winded entry about infidelity, I just am not cut from that cloth. If I am in a relationship with someone, they are the be all end all. If i want to get with someone else, the relationship is over - that is my sign they aren't the one for me. I've thought this was the obvious way of operating for most humans, but I'm starting to feel like I am in the minority. I do not want to gloat and boast that I am some of amazing human being, because I'm not - but I sure as shit know I am not an asshole. Being kind, patient and committed to my friends is the most important thing to me. I don't think I could ever intentionally do something that would blatantly hurt another person. I'm not sure where the golden rule got lost. I really always thought you should treat others how you'd like to be treated. I can safely say, I've never wanted to be lied to - - so I figure, don't lie to anyone else.

I could go on forever on this subject, but to the people who might stumble upon or read this blog - please think about the people in your lives that love you and trust you and are committed to you and your happiness. Put yourself in their shoes. If you love them, why would you want to do something that would upset them? If you feel nothing when you envision them broken and in tears, then please let them go. Stop being selfish. To my knowledge, I've never been cheated on - although about 80% of me thinks I have. Paranoid maybe, but if I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that even the people that you think love you the most, will always put their selfish desires ahead of you and your well being. I don't want to believe that or harbor resentment and carry baggage with me into future relationships - I think i have that in check. I just beg the people I know to be less careless with other people's emotions.

I'm also sorry to those people I've hurt through my own actions. I honestly hope it will never happen again.

I guess this is goodnight. Please wish me sweet dreams, I need all the help I can get.

I could really use...

a partner in crime.

Hmm....yup

I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man
And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I cant see you no more
cause I dont want to be a bad woman
I cant stand to see you to be a bad man

I will miss your heart so tender
I will love this love forever
This is why I am leavin
And this is why I cant see ya no more
And this is why I am lying
When I say I dont love ya no more

I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man
And this is why I am leavin
And this is why I cant see ya no more
And this is why I am lying
When I say that I dont love you no more

I stumbled onto pure genius

A Week Later...

And I still feel like crap.

Oh well, guess I'll have to deal

I can't shake the feeling of utter disappointment that I am a complete failure and severely below average. I blame my mother for telling me that I was smarter, putting me in honors classes, setting the bar extremely high.

Well, I'm not above average. I've come to that conclusion. I am mediocre, and I think there is nothing worse in the world.

On that note, thanks to Cara and LUPEC for a lovely evening out. Someday we will be able to go shopping (at used and NOT used clothing stores), have dinner, and maybe meet for a pedi the next morning. Soon my dear, things will change.

http://limelinx.com/files/ac31dba21c5f3bb6c5b0f3651058084a


Club banger of the year says Kelsey....

Goodnight.

Is this the complaint department?

For my own venting purposes I will now outline exactly WHY today pissed me off.

1. I had a bad dream this morning AFTER my alarm went off meaning a few things...

--I woke up later than I intended
--I woke up with a headache feeling stressed out, mad, sad and incredibly annoyed I dreamt what I dreamt in the first place. I mean really? Seriously brain? Can we just get over it already please! thanks.
--I slept on my stomach which I never do which caused my old lady back to be so stiff I couldn't even bend over to wash my face without wincing in pain

2. I didn't make any cash tips last night so I had to use my only $10 to buy gas and didn't have any money to buy food. Deathwish came through and bought me lunch but I didn't eat anything healthy and now feel like crapola.

3. I left work early to attend the House of Blues job fair, hoping to acquire a serving position at a place that will surely be busy and rake in the old dough I need, love and miss. There was no traffic (yay), I got a parking spot directly in front of the building where it was taking place (yay) but when I walked up to the line I asked "does the line start here?" and some dickface shithead said "line's closed sorry." to which I responded "I thought it was open til 7" (it was a lil after 530). A much nicer (and larger) gentlemen let me know that the HOB people only had the room til 7pm and it was taking them a long time to process the applicants so they closed the line down a few minutes before. Fail. I cried as soon as I got in my car. (I am a GIANT baby...apparently)

4. It's cold as shit outside. A whopping 19 degrees and falling does not make me want to smile.

I feel like there are more than four reasons why I'm so agitated, but I guess that is it.

Redeeming qualities of today:

Homeade Vegan Peanut Butter Cookies courtesy of Marcus
Our Tea Collection
The Lewd Acts podcast
Patsy the maintenence Irishman coming to CAULK the holes in the entire house so that no more cute lil mice can come in and scare the crap out of me.

...somehow that isn't enough

I'm going to just watch this over and over and over and over

Little Bit..

hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut

it's you i'm thinking of

Cold World...

Has a blog now.
Should be funny and interesting.

Here is a link.

http://www.howthegodschill.blogspot.com



Photos to follow.

sigh of relief

I love:
iPhones
our new lamps
my slippers
haircuts
wearing high heels
hulu.com
808s and Heartbreaks
sweaters
white t-shirts
sleeping
March '09
December 28th, 2008


I do not love:
holidays
working
people who lack patience, tact and common sense
the mouse in our kitchen even though he's so cute
being broke
50 cent

Imminent Infidelity?

I sat at work last night, bored out of my mind, and watched a couple at the bar. Two young and attractive people who were at a company function. Their coworkers had all left and they were having drinks at the bar. Immediately one could tell that they were a little more than friendly. The body language was the key...turned in towards each other, legs almost touching, smirks, smiles, eye contact; it was all there.

Standing within an earshot I could hear the woman describing how she met her husband. It quickly became apparent that the man she was sitting with was not the man she was describing to him. Noticing wedding rings on both of them, I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they were just old friends getting cozy after a few beverages, no scandal. After walking by a time or two, hand holding, leg touching...it was all there. It made me think...

Is it impossible to be monogamous? Of course it isn't. There are plenty of happy couples who have never and would never cheat on their spouses. However, sexual attraction is human nature. It is an undeniable fact of who we are. Controlling this is something that has been instilled in us since a very young age. Sex is bad, something you should only do with someone you love, yadda yadda...it's mostly BS.

I'm a firm believer that there are many people out there that one could fall deeply in love with. I can't believe that there is ONE other person out there "for" you. Think of all of the people who have been married, engaged, in long term relationships who thought their significant other was the "one" but have ended that relationship to start a new one that worked out better, or maybe didn't start a new relationship and are still "looking". I'm no love expert or guru, nor have I been in love multiple times, but even in my lackluster love life I can think of a few different people who, at their time, could have been the "one".

Having mentioned that, I'll bring it back to the point. Even if you are incredibly in love and in a happy, functioning relationship with someone, there is bound to be another person on this earth you are sexually attracted to. Not just "yeah he's kinda cute, i'd hit" - but that tension, that connection that just draws you to a person and you'd love nothing more than to have a physical relationship with them. What if you meet that person someday? Worse yet...what if you are forced to work with them on a regular basis?

Seeing the people at the bar first made me angry. I thought of the broken hearts of their respective spouses, what if they saw what I had seen? They left seperately, so one could say it was innocent flirting, but to me... if I were that guys wife... I'd be upset. I'd be jealous, sad, confused, hurt, wondering what I could have done to keep him from wanting to be close to someone else. Since I am not that mans wife and have no invested interest (other than this really long blog entry) in his relationship, I can look at it from a different perspective. I didn't feel angry at them anymore. I just felt sorry. I felt sorry that they can't act on their feelings an impulses to satisfy their very clear desire to be with one another. I felt sorry for their spouses that they had that desire in the first place.

I then started to feel scared. When/if I ever get married, who's to say I will never be in that position? Who's to say my husband will never be in that position? It's completely human. Would I expect to be excused should I ever cheat on someone? No. Would I excuse that behavior of my spouse? Probably not. It's something I shouldn't worry about currently, I'm sure... but it is something that is always in the back of my head, as I grow older, I realize how many people in relationships are not necessarily monogamous. Oh well, guess it'll go as #2397407938478 why I'm afraid of committed relationships.


This picture isn't technically funny...but I laughed out loud.

I have this friend...

Who is the best person ever.

LOLwithPBoy: there is a cool picture of bill murray with a big moustache so I didn't shave today
LOLwithPBoy: true story

Jesus Mary and Joseph, I'm Tired...

What a week/weekend/month?

Beach House, Ray Davies, Adults dancing, Falafel, Rain, Party, Wine, Andre, the best people ever... I've had a great week.

Despite my car being frozen shut, and working too much and not making money, my weekend was good.

The Deathwish Holiday party was a complete success. More pictures to surface soon. I am sore, tired, happy.

Some stand-out photos courtesy of Chrissy.

The look I shot Asean right after he called me white trash.

Q and I making bememories.



Brian Barbaresco everyone.


....More ranting and photos soon

These are a few of my favorite things...

Saw Method Man and Redman last night. Got to stand on the stage all night downstairs at the Palladium thanks to Merrick. Made it that much better... Kind of the best show ever...



John Legend Live. Go see it. Most flawless voice and performance ever. Here is a video of him performing on Oprah. 2 of my favorite things! I think wedding songs are kind of corny, but if I HAD to choose one for serious...it'd be his song "Stay With You". I tell ya... not easy seeing that performed live at a concert by yourself sitting next to some busted chicks in the far balcony. Tugs at certain strings I'd rather not have messed with.



Kimpossible told me to listen to this girl. I love it!



Remember when I long-dicked you and broke your ovaries!?




Last but not least.... always and forever one of my favorite things


That is it for now.

For Sale

This was on the sidewalk at a busy intersection where bums spare for change. It's a boogie board for the snow. For Sale Best Offer... I should have given him five bucks for it, too bad I hate talking to bums. I'm always afraid their smell will travel to my nose. I hate the smell of homeless people.

In other news, I was reminded this weekend why I love having people stay at my house. Sometimes it's the greatest thing ever complete will late night talks and afternoon breakfasts. Good times with old friends and good times with new friends. I can still sleep 3 people in my bed comfortably...hallelujah.

Listen to the latest Deathwish podcast. I sound like an idiot, per usual, but Marty is from Australia and he has a wonderful accent. Want to start your day off right? Talk to an Aussie for 45 minutes.

Goodnight.

http://www.deathwishinc.com/media

You pulled at the strings, and they were broken it seemed

You and I, we make a grand salute
stare at eachother like lost little birds across the room
and I remember the way you looked
I learned how to dance, but I'd never shown it to you

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me

I know I tried, but it's hard sometimes
the roots don't take, it takes a while
and you pull at the strings
but they're broken, it seems
the dance isn't over for me, no

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me


http://www.myspace.com/basiamyspace

Who knew I liked having fun...

Last night. Great time. Went to the LUPEC USO event to benefit the woman's wing of the Shelter for Homeless Veterans. Great cocktails, nice treats and good music. Cara and I had a blast. Definitely got a little tipsy. Thanks to Tremont 647 for saving us from sure hypothermia and for the additional drinks and snacks. Fontina stuffed tater tots...yes please! Last night I did something I never thought I'd do. I ate an oyster. Now I understand these little creatures are somewhat of a big deal, but I have absolutely NO interest in ever eating one again. Chrissy will be with me on this one...salty snots in a half shell. ew

Testing out the camera, waiting for a cab, resembling those creepy twins in The Shining

Vwalla!

The Hall

Cara says peek-a-boo

You wish your hair was this shiny.

I need higher heels.

Thunder Thighs and Chicken Legs

Oh hello Cara's Fernet

Oh hello water.

Aaaaaaand Scene

Note To Self

Fix your life.

You look like shit.